My friend, Rachel, is performing at Three Friends Coffee House in Portland tonight, so Brenda, and I decided we would go to support her. Rachel and I just started recovering from a bad fight we had a few months ago that centered around my at-the-time boyfriend, and what an ass she believes he is, and how stupid she thinks I am for going back to him over and over again. There is still quite the awkward vibe lingering in the air whenever we cross paths even though we've since mended bridges. Regardless, I thought it'd be fun seeing her perform again, especially given that she told me one of her songs she is going to be performing is about me.
Brenda and I walk in at 6:45pm, about 15 minutes before the set is scheduled to begin. She is opening for A Vanishing Hope, which is a band the reminds me a lot of Dashboard Confessional. They are the house act, and I think very similar to the calming, yet emotional genre of music Rachel dabbles in. The lighting is set dimly, and sort of romantically, which is a rather fitting setting for her to be singing along to her acoustic guitar.
Brenda notices an empty table to the right of the stage so we head over that way to claim it. We order something to drink and not to long after that an employee of the coffee house introduces Rachel to the crowd and she begins her performance.
"She really has a beautiful voice," Brenda comments.
I nod in agreement.
I'm concentrating on the lyrics of each song so much so that I rarely bother to speak. Then she begins playing a song that I feel pretty certain is the one that is supposed to be about me.
The tune is very complimentary to her voice and moves somewhat slowly. She sings, "Cant you see your life flashing before your eyes? It's a train wreck waiting to happen.. Your heart is broken, Your hands are shaking and you just continue to laugh..."
If this is about me I don't really feel all that happy about her perception of me, which seems to be that I'm broken and in denial.
I repeat in my head the next lines, "Do us all a favor, take your own advice for once, and give yourself a little more attention. Turn yourself around, and take the time to face it and you might be surprise to find, that your life is better than you make it."
At this point I'm not even listening to the rest of the song, I just keep repeating the lyrics in my head while experiencing an array of up and down emotions. I feel defensive, yet happy that she cared enough to be concerned and not just simply write me off as a dumbass. This is her last song, and it is the only one I haven't heard before, I wish I could be as good at being in denial as she seems to think. Then I could pretend this isn't about me.